I was 23 years old then, fresh after college when my mom dies. She has a cervical cancer and was predicted 8 months of life when she was first diagnosed. It was malignant and as they say only miracle can spare her. At my tender age..I know she gonna die... what can I do... who could help us save her...no one.
We are hopeless, I need to be strong and only prayers can make me stand against the pain I have felt as I see my mother anguished in pain. She undergone many things, from chemotherapy up to the last quack doctors or "albularyo" we could find just to keep her.
During her last months, she requested to be transferred to her hometown in Baao, Camarines Sur—an adjacent municipality next to ours. I don't know why she made that decision. Maybe because she wanted to get a closer place for her visitors who lived in Baao at the same time she likes within the comfort of my aging "lola."
During the time of her confinement here, she become strong and cheerful. We joke around, feed her and tell her stories about my schooling in Manila. My other siblings who was then very young was not that aware of my mothers situation. I am the one who took care of her during her medical treatment in Manila and that was so tiring having to look for blood donors, processing some loans and other help to sustain her.
I know she is tired of all the medical procedures she underwent. All she wanted was to see her children and other close relatives. She was so happy when they visited her and give inspiration on the value of living. They cheer her up for a while but when they gone I feel her lament behind her eyes. And I don't want to see it.
Then comes Valentines day. While I was feeding her for lunch, I told her I got a date in the afternoon and she just smile. I always see those glitters in her eyes every time I told her about girls..you know. Maybe she was excited to see her eldest son growing into a man. "Habang tumatagal kamukha mo na papa mo" she always said whenever she pleases me. I remember her to be the one on stage every time I got an awards in school and during graduations. I also remember her borrowing money from my lolo and lola, co-teachers, other siblings whenever we are financially down. Aside from that, she always reminded us to study hard because according to her "Its only education that they can afford to give us"... typical for a mother whose only dream is to give her child the best they can have.
Yes, very typical that she even exchanged her health just to send us to school. She always postponed her check-up because her children has to pay bills in school. We never knew that it would come up with an illness that we can't imagine.
At 3:00 pm, Valentines day, she perished. It was like heaven and earth and I cant move while she hold me that long as he grasp her last deep breath. Tears flows inside of me and I cant take it.
Now, I'm 33, married with a cute two year old boy. She will never see this boy grown into a man and her other children who have already graduated and starting to live a life on their own. "Mama, you have missed a lot... how I wish, you were alive to see us and see your first "apo" and experience how it feels to be called "lola"
I really missed you mom.........
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